Poorly Red Devil
Disaster – I’m carless for the Red Devil has blown a cylinder head gasket. Bereft, bothered and bewildered and facing a bill of anywhere between £500 and double that! Of course him indoors says it’s all my fault just because I was in it at the time. A few days later – talk about coincidence – the Writeous Dude’s car played up and had to have 2 new coils – cost him £100. Being a true Yorkshireman he had great difficulty finding his wallet and prizing it open but it had to be done. A week has passed and I’m still waiting for the Devil to be discharged – they’d better not be zooming up and down in him at the garage.
This snow reminds me of my first car which hated starting when it was cold. Happy days putting my shoulder to the driver’s open door and pushing whilst running hell for leather, then jumping in and letting the clutch in to jump start it. You had to be careful with your timing and footwork so it didn’t get away from you driverless! Once or twice it hadn’t started when I reached the bottom of our street so I had to go for the bus instead. Then there was the time a hose ruptured and steam came out from under the bonnet – I thought I was on fire, as you would if you were a girl of 21 and knew nothing about the workings. Don’t get me started, I could write a book!
Tome Update
I’ve had a very nice letter from Sir Derek Morris, Provost of Oriel College, thanking me for sending him a copy of Vol I. He says he will put in it their Library – with Vol II – when I get it finished. He also says that he will arrange to visit our little school when he’s next in Yorkshire – the last time a Provost visited was 100 years ago and he agrees with me that it is far too long a time between visits! Yippee – so if you want to know more about Aberford School and Oriel College, you’ll have to buy a copy. Contact ruthpi1412 at hotmail dot com.
Eccentrics
The world has never been changed by ‘normal’ people – think of Ghandi, da Vinci, Che, et al. It’s probably a good thing not to ‘fit in’, something I wish I’d known when I was 20. I’d have been a damn sight more weird. Anyway here’s a funny story from the Yorkshire Post : there’s a guy in Barnsley calling himself ‘Kipper Jackson’ who likes to entertain people via a karoake m/c which he pushes around in a child’s chair. Obviously he likes his tipple and whilst he was merry he bought some cream buns and was staggering about when 2 Policemen in a patrol car stopped to remonstrate with him. He plonked a cream bun on one of their heads – bystanders fell about laughing – a second time when he was shouting and using bad language and threw a bun at a police car he got arrested – turned up in Court wearing a T with ‘Free Kipper Jackson’ on it - jury took 40 minutes to bring in a guilty verdict – the Judge kept a straight face and sentenced him to 2 years (he already had an ASBO which he’d breached twice). Let’s hope Kipper has a good rest and is out in a few months. Hope you enjoyed this little tale – the world would be a very dull place without Eccentrics.
New Year’s resolutions
What are Disgraceful Rider’s resolutions for 2009 – well I’ve been giving it some thought. I want to continue my ambition to be the most outrageous senior citizen in our village, which won’t be hard believe me. Most of my contemporaries want a quiet life, fading into their twilight years whereas I want the exact opposite. I want to finish Vol II of my story of Aberford School, write about the Stagecoach years of our village, ditto extracts from the Town Book (all rivetting stuff about Overseers/Assessors/Surveyors), ditto extracts from the old Parish Council books. I want to find a hairstyle I am satisfied with which makes me look 10 years younger. I want to learn Spanish in case I run into Javier Bardem somewhere. I might learn to play the guitar – then I could serenade him in Spanish. I want to do less housework/cooking/shopping and go to the theatre more. Blimey – I’d better get on then.
Don’t knock a bit of culture
Christmas means bringing out the recording of The Messiah. Whether you have a God or not, you should listen to it at least once. I don’t belong to an organised religion as no-one stands between me and my God, least of all a man telling me what I should do or not do, believe or not believe. Anyway, there’s something about a group of people singing gloriously together which touches your soul and makes you feel you can rise to greatness just for an instant. Dis Graceful Rider’s Christmas wish for you: ‘May you build a ladder to the starts and climb on every rung, May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young’ (Thanks Dylan).
Writeous Dude
Piggynap’s brother failed to get on a post-Grad Stage Manager’s course at Cardiff – their loss I say. He wants to write for TV/Theatre and has worked a lot this year with amateur companies. He’s now trying to get experience with professional Theatres around while working full-time so he can eat and just needs that one lucky break. He had the courage to give up a Trainee Insurance Underwriter’s job to try to make it. Well, the Jewish people of the diaspora had a saying I believe ‘Next Year in Jerusalem’ so I say to Writeous Dude ‘Next Year (or at least one day) in Hollywood’. I mean to live long enough to see it.
My Tome
So far over 75 nice people have bought my book – not bad for a small village but hardly a blockbuster. I should have put some sex into it I suppose. It’s a great pity that nobody like Jordan went to our school or I could have maybe got her to pose for the follow up Volume which will go up to the year 2000. However, tales of pea pulling, outside toilets, caning, typhoid fever outbreaks, two world wars and the men of the village who died in them, the Aberford Spitfire and Christmas concerts might appeal to that sense of nostalgia in those who envy a simpler world. I’m sending the Provost of Oriel College a copy of the first Volume – hope he likes it!
The Blue Streak
Piggnap’s changed her car – the family clubbed together to buy her a little Corsa for her first job but she had big ambition. First the place of her own, next the boyfriend (an unexpected bonus), then ‘the car’ – a Mazda MX5. Oh yes! It’s blue and I’ve not yet got my hands on it but have had a ride in the heated passenger seat. Lucky lucky Piggynap – so young, so clever, so wicked. Maybe I’ll change the Red Devil for a Blue Streak!
Aberford C of E School
God I’ve got talent – I’ve just published a book – OK it’s initial run is only 200 copies but it’s a start. It’s Volume I of the history of our village school but has lots of village history too. Volume II to follow early 2009. All proceeds to school if it sells. You can buy my tome for £5.99 by cheque or cash in hand + postage if you haven’t a carrier pigeon. To date I’ve only got 188 to sell. Next book will be about the stagecoach days of our village – Yeehah! After that I’m interested in the life of Adam de Brome who founded Oriel College Oxford but that may be a step too far. However, as I told you that you’re only limited by the height of your ambition and the strength of your will, maybe I’ll go for it.
What I Wish I’d Known When I was 20
Lots of course but here are some: you are only limited by the height of your ambition and the strength of your will. Barack Obama knows this. But it helps to be stinking rich.
Believe you’re gorgeous and only look in a mirror when absolutely necessary.
Never buy magazines like Hello, Vogue, Ideal Homes et al. Stick to Private Eye, Horse & Rider, National Geographic etc., Fashion magazines have nothing to do with real life – they make vulnerable people feel total failures. Don’t be vulnerable.
Be righteous – before you go out, put on your cloak of righteousness and do the right thing. Politicians and Hedge Fund Managers should have to wear one.
One lifetime is not enough – but as it’s all you get, cram as much in as you can.
Were I to live for a thousand years, my last word would still be ‘robbed’.
